"Well Tiger, you're on your own tonight. Justine is going to the concert. She says she will be back by 8:00 am tomorrow morning to make you Christmas breakfast."

I smiled but I guess it must have been a little too much of a "thoughtful" smile.

"That is what you want, Lawrence - right?"

"It is absolutely what I want. I'm just a little sad that I couldn't be there myself."

Margaret sighed. "That's understandable. It just would not have worked out this time. There will be other concerts, other special nights ..."

"When I'm having a 'good' day? The odds are against it."

Margaret sat down on my bed and her face lit up with an expression normally reserved for U4 soccer coaches.

"Look how well you did today! Like a man half your age. You'll have many, many of these days ahead - maybe even better ones."

I smiled but I couldn't help but shake my head. We both knew that better days were not in my future.

Margaret sat with me for another few minutes going over the evening routine. There were left-overs from last night that could be heated in the microwave. She had put out my pajamas over the railing outside my bedroom. Speed-dial #1 went straight to Justine's cell phone. Margaret quizzed me on what to do if anything went seriously wrong in the house.

My response, "Dial 999" was met with a threat to call Justine back before I quickly regurgitated the correct answer.

Finally, Margaret walked over to the front door, pulled on her heavy winter coat, and put her hand on the door handle.

Before she could open the door I walked over to her. She gave me an inquisitive smile.

"What is it, Lawrence?"

"Margaret, I just want you to know that I really appreciate the way you take care of me. I realize that on many days it must be very hard. Even on 'good' days I don't think I give you the respect you deserve. I wish ... I want things to be different."

Margaret took a step towards me and put her gloved hands on my shoulders.

"Lawrence, this is my job - it's what I do. And I do it because it means a lot to me to keep you safe and give you the best quality of life that I can. And days like today ... such a wonderful day ... days like today make it all worthwhile."

I was mesmerized by her expression. It was graceful, not sentimental. She really did seem to get a great deal of satisfaction from her work with me. That made the guilt more bearable.

She removed her hands from my shoulders, buttoned up her coat, and wrapped a purple and red tartan scarf around her neck.

"I have to go, Lawrence. But I think Justine will be cooking bacon and eggs for you tomorrow morning. How does that sound?"

I nodded my head. "I can hardly wait."