"Let me see the journal" I demanded.

Margaret did not respond immediately. I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows.

"Maybe later - let's finish breakfast. What would you like this morning?"

"What I want for breakfast is the journal. You know the arrangement. On good days I am allowed to see the Journal."

Margaret shook her head, then reluctantly opened up a drawer and handed me a black, leather bound journal. I flipped through the pages until I found a blank one, then counted back 17 days and started reading. Most of the entries were pretty mundane until I got to December 19.

"What is this? It says I hit you. Did I hit you?"

Margaret looked very uncomfortable.

"It wasn't as bad as all that. You know she makes me write down everything." She fidgeted in her chair.

"I can't hit you Margaret. That's just not on. What happened?"

Margaret sighed.

"You tripped on one of my shoes. I had kicked it off because my feet were sore. It was my fault. It shouldn't have been there in the middle of the kitchen. When I reached down to help you up you got angry and pushed me away. It was just bad luck that I fell against the table."

The fact that I had not intentionally harmed Margaret was a relief but I didn't feel that it really lessened my responsibility for her injury.

"It says you were bruised badly. Did you have to see a doctor?"

"No, I was never going to need that. It was a big bruise but that's only because I bruise so easily. It was nothing, really."

I felt empty. Hollowed out by her attempts to make me feel better.

"Nothing? You mean like when Jeremy had to go to the hospital? That kind of nothing?"

Margaret looked at me sternly.

"That was different. You were just trying to help him learn to ride the bicycle he got for his birthday. You slipped and he lost his balance. It was just bad luck that he fell onto the curb and hit his head. It was an accident."

"So you're saying that I am both unlucky and incredibly accident prone ... is that my excuse?"

"You are not a bad man Lawrence. Not even on your worst days. That's what I mean. I wouldn't be here if you were."

I went back to turning the pages of the Journal and had finished reading the entries when I noticed that the first page I had looked at was not completely blank. Two words were written in pencil near the date. "Christmas Concert"